Rehearsal Dinner Etiquette: Everything You Need to Know

The rehearsal dinner usually takes place the night before the wedding, immediately after the ceremony rehearsal.

Common venue types include:

• Restaurants (private rooms are ideal)
• Hotel banquet rooms
• Private homes or backyards
• Event spaces or wineries

If the venue is available, that’s a great option as well. The setting should be convenient to the ceremony location and not require guests to travel too far after the rehearsal.

This is where etiquette can get a little nuanced.

The core invite list usually includes:

• Wedding party members and their partners
• Immediate family (parents, siblings, grandparents)
• Officiant (if not a family member or already included)

Optional additions:

• Out-of-town guests (especially those who traveled far)
• Close friends
• Extended family

If budget allows, it’s kind to invite out-of-town guests, especially if they made an effort to attend the wedding weekend. However, it’s not mandatory.

While it’s a meal and social time, the rehearsal dinner has a few specific purposes:

• Final logistics discussion (especially if planners or coordinators are present)
• Introductions for family and friends who haven’t met yet
• Toasts and speeches in a smaller, more casual setting

This dinner can also be a moment to thank the wedding party with gifts or a short acknowledgement.

Rehearsal dinners can be formal, semi-formal, or casual. What matters is setting expectations clearly in the invitation or communication.

Examples:

• Backyard barbecue? Let guests know to dress comfortably.
• Private dining room at a nice restaurant? Suggest business casual or cocktail attire.
• Themed event? Communicate dress code specifics clearly.

As a general rule, the rehearsal dinner should not overshadow the wedding day in formality.

Invites should be sent about 4 to 6 weeks in advance, either formally by mail or more casually via email or e-invite.

Important information to include:

• Time and location
• Dress code (if any)
• RSVP deadline and contact info

Clear communication helps guests plan and shows respect for their time.

This is one of the main differences between a rehearsal dinner and the wedding reception. Speeches and toasts are often more freeform and personal here.

Common toast-givers include:

• The host(s)
• Parents of the couple
• Siblings
• Members of the wedding party

It’s also a good time for the couple to thank those involved in the wedding planning. Avoid putting guests on the spot. If you expect someone to speak, give them advance notice.

The menu doesn’t need to match the wedding day menu. It can be simple or elaborate, whatever fits the setting and budget.

Options include:

• Buffet or plated dinner
• Family-style meal
• Cocktail-style event with heavy hors d’oeuvres

Be sure to accommodate known allergies or dietary needs. Offer non-alcoholic drink choices as well.

The rehearsal dinner is often when the couple gives gifts to their wedding party. These can be presented privately or during the event.

Gift types might include:

• Personalized items (robes, bags, glassware)
• Jewelry or accessories for the wedding day
• Experiences or gift cards

Guests are not expected to bring gifts to the rehearsal dinner. The focus is on connection and appreciation.

This is more common than people admit. The rehearsal dinner can either ease or exacerbate tension, depending on how it’s handled.

Tips:

• Be intentional about seating arrangements
• Consider keeping toasts and speeches brief
• Choose a neutral setting
• Let a planner or third party help coordinate

The goal is to keep the evening focused on the couple and the upcoming event, not personal disagreements or stress.

Two to three hours is usually ideal. This gives enough time for mingling, eating, toasts, and wrapping up without exhausting anyone the night before the wedding.

Unless the dinner is at a location that is clearly 21+, kids are often welcome. If it’s adult-only, make that clear in the invitation.

Things to consider:

• Having a kid-friendly menu
• Providing coloring books or quiet activities
• Arranging early seating or separate tables

It’s okay to have boundaries here, just be up front.

You don’t need a full vendor team, but some couples choose to bring in help, especially for larger groups.

Optional vendors include:

• Photographer (a short session during toasts or mingling)
• Planner or day-of coordinator
• Live musician or small band

Just like with the wedding, make sure all vendor communication and payments are squared away in advance.

Here’s a sample layout for a 6:00 p.m. start time:

• 6:00 p.m. – Arrival and drinks
• 6:30 p.m. – Dinner served
• 7:30 p.m. – Toasts and thank-yous
• 8:15 p.m. – Mingling, desserts
• 9:00 p.m. – Event ends

Adjust based on your venue and group size. The goal is a relaxed, well-paced evening.